Author's Blog
TITUS CORLEONE
Warrior Poet
HomeAbout Titus Corleone"Troubling Entendres"News and ViewsBlog


THE TITUS CORLEONE BLOG

A Thanksgiving story for the President Elect…

by Titus Corleone on 11/24/16

It is of note that yesterday I realized all too late that several suspicious flocks of Turkey’s were on maneuvers around the institute where I work.  Then, as I innocently took lunch in my car, I heard a curious chirping and looked up to see a lone Turkey matron on the berm desperately calling for help; or so I assumed

The blessed little hen was pathetically calling in one direction and then the other (apparently trying to locate her family) and my heart went out to the poor thing.  Perhaps her mate had been run down on the road or killed by predators.  Maybe some disaster had befallen her flock and she was meekly calling and calling trying to find her way back to safety.  As she continued her heart-wrenching chirps, my eyes welled up with tears and empathy flooded into the depths of my heart; overruling common sense...  I resolutely decided that on that day, I would practice Christian love to one of God’s good creatures!  Yes, I would be one small point of light taking a stand against the cruelty of nature, and in the tradition of St. Francis - assist that humble animal in the midst of her plight…

My instincts activated, and a plan began to formulate in my head to help the old girl.  I quickly retrieved some of my organic, non-gmo, gluten free tortilla chips, crumbled them upon a napkin, and bravely got out of the safety of my car.  Offering in hand, I humbly advanced up the berm to the distressed bird.  She turned towards me, so dejected and helpless, and I took it as a sign that at that moment in time man and nature would become one.  It was all I could do to hold back tears as I stooped down to lay the meal before her.  And that was when the attack came…

She lunged at me with talons out piercing my leg with her deadly back claw. Her chirps turned into predatory screeches, and I screamed while simultaneously spinning on my heal to flee.  I beat a retreat back to the safety of my car, but she hit me again between the shoulders causing me to nearly stumble and I shirked in terror and flailed my arms to fend her off.  I desperately fumbled with my key fob, and amidst the bedlam was finally able to unlock the door, but before I clambered to safety I noticed in horror that two huge flocks of hens were converging on both sides.  I was shocked and appalled as I realized they were actually surrounding me…

Back inside the protection of the cab I realized I was experiencing great humiliation and confusion…  As I desperately administered first aid to my leg wound I noticed in apprehension that the damn birds had strategically blocked all avenues of escape from my vehicle.  In amazement, I also noticed a few co-workers screaming as they were being chased back inside the building by another group of hens. Then it dawned on my simple mind… Those desperate chirps from that evil she-fowl were actually marshaling calls as the bitch coordinated her forces to the attack, and attack they did – every human being in that parking lot until the facilities crew arrived and chased them all off with brooms…

It appears this was a preemptive Thanksgiving strike.  Literally, a thrusting attack to let us know that they did, indeed, know what was going on and weren’t standing for it anymore…  Eventually, to the great relief of all concerned,  “Hen-of Arc” mustered her forces in the back parking lot and they marched off towards 9th Street, no doubt, to launch another vicious attack against innocent humans...

The moral of the story is this: when you encounter a young hen in distress – break out your Glock 9 and kill it immediately!  Do it without mercy, because it’s us or them!  And then, I encourage you tie the carcass to your bumper and ride around the block a couple of times so the rest of the winged vermin will know who the true apex predator is on Planet Earth…  And now that we’ve pulled back the veil to expose an immutable truth:  kill or be killed…”   Know you sir that this is the natural law that God setup on this cruel, ruthless planet!!

Mr. President Elect, I evoke you to enjoy your Thanksgiving with carnivorous delight…  Tear into that roasted bird flesh with zeal!  Because if those damn pint-sized Velociraptors had their way - you’d be in a culvert somewhere on Thanksgiving night screaming as they slowly ripped your flesh apart and plucked out your eyes.  And your futile pleas for mercy would be lost upon those mindless, vicious, birds of prey as they feasted upon you...   Therefore, never forget God’s command:  Donald, Slay and Eat !!!” Acts 10:13

Finally, let this be a cautionary tale to you as well, Mr. President, against displaced compassion and misplaced benevolence…  For sometimes, in our dominion over nature (and our enemies) we can become dangerously complacent, forsaking our own while extending the olive branch (or a napkin full of crumbs) to others…  Don’t forget your extended family; your defenders, and your promises...

Happy Thanksgiving President Elect Trump and Family, and God Bless!


 

All correspondence to Titus should be directed to:
 tituscorleone2@gmail.com